Unit 5 Subtle Mind

I really enjoyed this guided meditation out of all of the other ones that we have done in this class as well as the ones I have done for other classes. The only problem I had was my patience during the extremely long periods of times of the lady not talking. I tried so hard to stay with it through the whole thing but I broke the concentration 16 minutes in. The first 10 minutes I was all about it, enjoying it, concentrating on my breathing, and clearing my mind, and then the 5 minutes of silence crushed me. I am so exhausted after not sleeping well, trying to get school work done before work, working 10 hours from 8pm to 6am and then going straight to Denny's after work to work on the bazillion school work assignments for both of my classes. Many of the thoughts that ran through my head were work, school, I want to be working out, I am so utterly tired, my back is killing me, I need a chiropractic adjustment and massage so terribly, I want to be sleeping in my warm bed with my cats.... I was able to refocus back onto breathing and also let these thoughts dissolve into nothingness and when asked what was left, there was just me saying in my head to myself, "there is just me." I really liked this guided meditation but the moments of silence are just way too long for me. Compared to the loving kindness guided mediation I feel that they are two totally different types of meditation. One focuses on love and kindness for one's self, those close to us, and everyone and everything else. This meditation focuses on clearing the mind. I had an easier time with the loving kindness guided mediation that I did the subtle mind guided meditation. I am not surprised by this considering I am terrible about shutting my mind off and if I am successful I usually just put myself to sleep.


Spiritual, mental, and physical wellness are all interconnected, meaning if you poke one the others will also react. If one is out of balance the others will become out of balanced as well. If our mental health is low this state starts to manifest physically with problems such as lowered immune system, headaches, high heart rate and blood pressure and stomach problems. Alternatively, if our mental health is high then physical well being is high and this shows physically with a higher immune system, shorter healing time, lower heart rate, and so forth. I think many people forget or not think about spiritual health although I believe that spirituality is ingrained in our nature. Being spiritual to me does not mean being religious or being affiliated to anything religious, although for some religion is a constructive focal point for spirituality. For me spirituality means being in touch with our own soul, what we know to be right and wrong, how we want to be treated and how we believe others should be treated, our compassion, kindness, thoughtfulness, and being in touch with the universe and everything in it. In my life personally I have had many imbalances with these areas of wellness. I believe I have always been spiritual ever since I was a child with vivid dream, great intuition and foresight, a connection with children and animals, a love for smells, plants, and crystals precious and semiprecious, the seasons, the elements, the planets, and so on. However, my mental health and well-being has always been out of balance causing major imbalances in my physical health and well-being and in part affecting my spiritual well-being. I come from a family of mental health illnesses such as depression, bipolar, manic depression, chronic anxiety, worry, and panic. Major bouts of depression, stress, and anxiety attacks have been the biggest troubles that offset my balance because they cause me to go into a hibernation mode where I don't want to eat, I have no appetite, and a revulsion to food, I sleep for 10-15 hours at a time, become bedridden with apathy, I let my hygiene go, my immune system would crash, I would have constant never ending migraines, chronic stomach pain, and the inability to leave the house to accomplish simple tasks like checking the mail or picking up milk. These mental and physical imbalances affected my spirituality by making me question what I believe in or feeling like I was losing faith in humanity and the universe, wondering if I was being punished for something I did in a past life, and wondering why it was necessary for me to go through what I was having to go through. On the other end of the spectrum, taking back charge of my life, I chose to quit smoking and get back to my love of hiking, which opened the door for me to start going to the gym, and I just got my own membership all by myself at a gym of my choice. I have chosen exercising to be my new healthy addiction to release stress hormones and to release beta endorphins for happiness, pain relief, boost my immune system, and a whole plethora of beneficial mental and physical benefits. With stress and my smoking habit I not only had a high heart rate, at 25 I was at a pre-hypertension level! What!? Pre-high blood pressure at 25 even though I am a completely healthy aside from that one bad habit!? Now that I am not in a constant reactive state with stress and anxiety I am able to be more aware and witnessing of my life. I can ask myself why am I stressed, what am I afraid of, is that a reasonable fear, why am I so angry about this particular thing, is that a reasonable anger, are other people in charge of me or am I in charge of myself? I make my own happiness. I take myself out to dinner, I take myself to the gym, I take myself out for a drink, I do not rely on someone taking me out or wanting my time. I also started setting boundaries with people and putting my foot down about what I will and will not tolerate when it comes to how I am treated by others. I am also a lot more proactive when it comes to stressful situations by coming up with constructive and productive strategies and plans such as creating hour by hour day by day weekly schedules of work time, school time, sleep time, and so forth. All in all though, I am only human and I am not perfect but I do strive for evolution of my self everyday, not to become better or worse, just more me, the true potential that we all hold.